the beginning

I just put Violet into bed.
Vi: "Mom, where did everything come from?"
Me: "That is an excellent question and I don't know."
Vi: "Well, who made everything?"
Me: "I don't know. I don't know how it all got here or how it happened."
Vi: "Well, who pained the universe?"
Me: "It's not painted. It's real. It's real stars and real planets."
Vi: "Wow! I didn't know that!"
Me: "the Earth is blue because water is blue, not because it is paint. It is real water."
Vi: "How do you make water?"
Me: "2 Hydrogens and an Oxygen"
Vi: What is hydrogen
Me: A gas
Vi: We have to drink gas?
Me: No, when you put those gases together, it turns into a liquid.
Vi: Do you have to blow on it?
Me: No, you don't have to blow on it, but I'm not really sure how it happens.
Vi: Mom, I have another amazing question (LOL!) Where do you make clouds?
Me: It is some steam up in the sky that collects up there.
Vi: If you have a tree, it came from a seed. What comes before the seed?
Me: Another excellent question. I don't know what came before the seed.
Vi: And, how do you make electricity?
Me: I don't know. Good night!

On Christmas Morning: age 5

"Mom, do my boobs get a little bigger and a little bigger everyday?"

Placentas

After watching a birth on youtube, Violet said:

"Someday, I want to feel a placenta without gloves."

Toots

Violet spent the day at the orchard with her kindergarten class.

Later that evening she tooted and then said:
"Mom, my toots smell like farm animals."

On another toot note:
After getting of the bus Erickson said, "Our teacher doesn't care if we toot."

The Debauchery: Alcohol, incest , lesbians & swearing

1) One time I was having a glass of wine and Violet was asking about why I drink alcohol if it is bad for you. I said "It's only bad for you if you drink a whole whole lot. If you drink a little bit, it can actually be good for you. You can have about 3-5 drinks a week is good."
Violet said, "So, on one night you can have 2, then another night you have 1, then one night you have 3 and then another night you don't have any."
Me: "That's exactly right." I was pretty impressed with her being able to average.

2) Violet: "Mom, do bees need technology?" I have no idea where this one came from!

3) Vi: "Why can't brothers and sisters get married?"
Me: "Because they have the same DNA. So their DNA doesn't mix very well and they could have some children with some major problems."
Vi: "Well Erickson and I don't have the same DNA."
Me: " Do you want to marry Erickson?"
Vi: "Yes! He'd be the best Dad in the whole world!"

(I'll just let that be cute for now!)

3) One day Violet asked, "Mom, Can a woman have a crush on another woman?"
Me: "Yes. And they can get married."
Vi: "Do they have to wear the same clothes?"
(I had no idea what this meant and then realized that she was asking if both women would wear a wedding dress!) On the other hand it would be pretty funny if all lesbians had to wear matching outfits!!!

4) Violet loves her "Piggy" that she sleeps with every night. One day she was being sweet to Erickson and said, "Erickson can sleep with my pig for 64 nights." Another night she told me that when she dies, she wants piggy in her arms in her grave. :(

5) Every night Violet tries to get out of going to sleep employing various stalling techniques. The other night Violet was fake crying and saying she was hungry. Then she said, "My stomach is saying, 'Oh damn it, damn it, I'm so hungry'." Then When I told her that she can't say damn it, she asked why. I told her that some people might get offended and that it means that you are damning something to hell. I told her that if she said that at school she would get in trouble and have to change her color and go see the principal. Then she started crying and said, "I'm so sorry I said that. I didn't mean to. I didn't know." I comforted her and said, "It's OK. I don't care what you say. I just want you to know that some Christians would probably be offended. You can say what ever you want. You just have to be aware that certain things that you say have consequences." (Poor thing, she was so worried.)

Betsy Ross

Tonight I was singing Violet to sleep. I started singing America the Beautiful. She asked what the song was about.
Me: It's about how beautiful America is. (I keep singing)
vi: I think it is about the flag and our Army.
Me: (still singing)
Vi: What does the Army flag look like?
Me: It's the same as the American flag. with red & white stripes and blue with white stars.
Vi: It's red white and blue.
Me: Yes
Vi: Who made the flag?
Me: Betsy Ross. She made it 200 years ago. (Me making stuff up.)
Vi: Are you older than that?
Me: No, I'm 32.
Vi: Is 200 years older than that?
Me: Yes. she lived when America was first getting started.
VI: Was she the only person in America?
Me: No, there were other people.
Vi: Is betsy ross dead?
Me: Yes.
Vi: How did she die?
Me: I don't know
Vi: Maybe she had cancer in her lungs
Me: I'm not sure
Vi: Maybe she had some smoke brain. Maybe she smoked a bunch of cigars and it got in to her brain and caused some kind of problem....and she died.
Me: Maybe so.

a dream

Violet had a dream:
"The brothers were both superman and they could fly. They lifted me up and took me for a ride. Then we met Tom Bugeron (host of America's Funniest Home videos) and he gave me a bunch of care bears."

racism and death

I'm not sure where Violet came from, but I don't think it was anywhere around Earth.

Tonight, I was reading the kids a Barack Obama book. Violet said,"Why did some people not like him?"
Me: "I think some people didn't like him because his skin was brown."
Vi: "That's all? That's the only reason they didn't like him. Because his skin was brown?"
Me: "Yes."
Vi;" Why?"
Me: "I think some white people think they are smarter than people with brown skin."
Violet make a perplexed face.
Me: "But Barak Obama is so smart, right?"
Violet: "He's really smart. He's smarter than me. Well, actually I think I'm as smart as Barack Obama. I think we have the same ideas."

(That's when I about fell out of my chair. I'd pay a million bucks to video Violet having a conversation with Obama!!! There's no telling what she would say.)

Later, after the book, I'm rocking Erickson and singing. Violet is standing right beside me. She was making this really cute face while she was singing. Then, when the song was over she said:
"I was thinking about how much I love you. I love you bigger than this house. I love you past all the stars."
Me: "I love you that much too."
Violet: (Starts tearing up.) "Why do people have to die?" (This is a recurring conversation we have.)
Me: "Because people only live about 80 - 100 years"
Violet: "Why can't we live longer?"
Me: "Because our cells begin to die. We get old. We can't hear, we can't see as well. We don't sleep as much, we don't eat as much."
Vi: "Why don't we eat as much?"
Me: "Because we lose our appetite. We don't feel as hungry anymore."
Vi: "I'm going to keep eating. IF I keep eating will I live longer?"
Me: "No"
Violet: "What do I have to do to live a long time?"
Me: "You have to exercise, don't smoke, eat good foods like fruits and vegetables."
Violet: "I'm never going to smoke."
Me: "And eat good foods like fruits and vegetables
Violet: "How much longer will that make me live? 60 years, 80, 90 years.
Me: "No, not that long. Maybe 10 or so..."
Violet: "If the world explodes do we all die?"
Me: "Yes"
Vi: "Could we put the world back together?
Me: "No, once it explodes, all the pieces would go everywhere out into space."
Vi: "Could we live if the Earth explodes?"
Me: "No."
Vi: "I wish you were born sooner. (She is still in tears). I wish I was born sooner too. Then we would have more years to live together and be friends."

(Then I cried too)

Then Erickson chimes in: "Why we need die, Mom?"
Me: Because everything dies.
Violet: "Everything that living dies."
Violet: "Does a house die?"
Me: No
Vi: Does furniture die?
No, it just gets old and broken
Vi: Do trees die
Me: Yes
Erickson: Do lions need die?
Me: Yes
E: Do lizards dies?
Me: Yes
E: Do caterpillars dies?
Me: Yes
E: Do penguins dies?
Me: Yes
E: Do the sun dies?
Me: Yes, it quits burning?
E: Why?
Me: Because it runs out of gas...GO to sleep E. I love you.

Toxoplasmosis

This AM, I was telling John how I heard a story on NPR about how toxoplasma can actually change the way mice think to make them less fearful and therefore more likely to get caught by a cat...leading to toxoplasma infesting the cat where it prefers to complete it's reproductive cycle...If humans get it, they are more likely to be schizophrenic or bipolar.

Violet was over at the kid table and then says...
"and then does it make the cat not scared of dogs?"

Brilliant line of logic yet innocently incorrect.

This tops them all

Preface: John and I got busted by Violet. (Embarrassing to admit, but bound to happen when you have 3 small children.) Luckily...she already knew more than your average teenager about sex.

So the next day, she asked....
"What is making out again?" This led to the whole sex topic again with assurances that it was fine to talk about sex and that no, daddy wouldn't be mad about it at all. So, we had a whole sex conversation in the car. I said, "do you have anymore questions?" She said, "How are sperm made again?" (We are sitting in the backseat of a mini van.) I yell up to John... "How many sperm do you make a day?" John says "4 million, or there abouts."
Violet says, "65 million would be more than that." And we then talk about how all the sperm race to the egg. She then says, if two sperm make it, there will be twins. I said, "Only if there are two eggs too. Once one sperm reaches an egg, it locks all the other sperm out."

She has seen pictures of vasectomies in my physiology books. She knows that the sperm can't get from the testes to the egg in the falopian tubes if the vas is cut. She knows that daddy did that after she was born.

She loves looking at the graphic pictures of STD's. "Mom, what's wrong with this vagina?" I reply, "Ooooooo, that is a really bad case of syphilis."
She asks, "How did they get it?"
Me: "Probably had too much sex with too many people and she got a disease."

Well Tonight, in the back of the van (when we drove past the same place that we were last time (Cooper Drive)), she says:

"Can we talk about sex?"
Me: "Sure"
Vi: "How old do you have to be to start doing it?" (I think it is so funny that she said "doin' it" on her own)
Me: "Well, some people have sex really young, but I think it's best to wait until you find someone you really love."
Vi: "I"m going to wait until I'm in college. Can you give me that medicine that will make me not get pregnant?"
Me: "Yes, I can."

(Pause)
Vi: "Where will we do it?"
Me: "Maybe in your dorm room."
Vi: "Do I get my own room?"
Me: "Yes"
Vi: "Do I get my own key to it?"

That was the end of that conversation.

Later, after the bath....she asked when she would get boobs. I said around 14. She said "how big will they be?"
Me: "About as big as mine."
Violet: "THAT BIG!!"
(Which cracks me up because I'm a whopping 34 A)
She then proceeded to gaze at herself in the mirror for quite some time.

John is not so looking forward to her pubescent stage. By then, I should have prescriptive rights.

Death, Evolution, DNA and plate tectonics

Let me set the stage: One tired mom who has been studying almost all day. One kid very very awake.


I was rocking Violet to sleep last night and she said, "Why do people have to die?"
Mom: "Because our cells are programmed to die at a certain point. It's in our DNA."
Vi: "We should just go in an switch that so that people can live 100 years."
Mom: Some people do live for 100 years."
Vi: "Would we all die if like a big rock hit the Earth?"
Mom: "Like a meteor? Yeah, if a really big meteor it the Earth, we would all die. Like how the dinosaurs all died."
Vi: "But not a little meteor?"
Mom: "No, we wouldn't die if just a little meteor hit."
Vi: "When there were dinosaurs, there weren't any humans." (Long pause and thinking) "How did that happen? How did humans get here?"
Mom: "That is an excellent question. We came from other animals like primates. We used to be like the apes...gorillas, orangutans and chimpanzees. Then, over millions and millions and millions of years, we changed into humans."
Vi: "Oh, like metamorphosis!!?"
Mom: "YES! it's like metamorphosis because we change, but it is called evolution. It means when one animal changes over a long long time. Do you remember about DNA? We share 99% of our DNA with chimpanzees!!! That means we are almost exactly the same!!! Like they have 4 fingers and a thumb and we have 4 fingers and a thumb."
Vi: "No, we have 5 fingers."
Mom: "that's true."
Vi: "And they can climb trees and we can climb trees."
Mom: "But we lost all the hair on our bodies."
Vi: "How did our skin get white?"
Mom: "Excellent question. People think that all the pieces of the Earth used to be together and that we all started out in Africa. And then, there were Earthquakes and the Earth broke up into pieces and people went to different places on the Earth."
Vi: "Like the Earthquake in Haiti."
Mom: "Yes, that's how the Earth keeps changing and breaking up. We all used to have brown skin like Erickson and Love and we all came from Africa. Then, we lost our hair and some people's skin changed to all different colors."
Vi: "Mom, mom....
Mom: "It's time to go to sleep. I have to go study."
Vi: "No, I want to stay here and learn more." (She seriously said that!)
Mom: "OK, one more question."
Vi: "How do giraffes get long necks?"
Mom: "Well, over millions and millions of years, their necks got longer so they could reach the leaves on the trees."
Vi: Their necks started off short?
Mom: "I think they did."
Vi: Are they as tall as our house?
Mom: No. They are about as tall as 2 mommies.
Vi: 2 Mommies stacked up? on the deck?
Mom: "Not stacked up on the deck, just on the ground. If a giraffe was standing on the ground, we could stand on the deck and feed it. Now it's time for bed!"

I'll have to introduce Natural Selection later!! I wonder what this kid will turn out to be?

Ears Pierced!

Today I took Violet to get her ears pierced. If you had asked me today if that was on my list of things to do, I would have said No. But, alas, it happened.

Violet started biting her nails right before her 2nd birthday. Then she quit right before we went to Haiti. Then she started again. Then she quit again and then the boys came home. So, obviously, with big transitions, Violet feels anxious and bites her nails. So, to bribe her, I said she could get her ears pierced. She said she didn't want to do that. Then, about a month later, (after seeing the neighbor Gwen's earrings) she decided she did want to. Today, I looked down and there was white at the end of all of Violet's nails. So, we went and got her ears pierced. She did awesome and didn't even cry (or bite her nails).

We then hung out at the mall with the brothers and then went to target and then bought pajamas for all of us. We shared a coke and a pretzel 4 ways!!! It was one of the best days ever!

It was weird rocking my little darling baby girl to sleep with those shiny new earrings. Someday she'll get big and leave me. Man I love that kid!!! IT HURTS! I did shed a tear. I love you Violet!

Feminist: Lamps & Treasures

I was just teaching Violet what a feminist is.
First, I was explaining females and males. "Do you know what a female is? Like a female bird?" I asked.

Violet said, "Yes, my moogie taught me. It's a girl."
Me: "And do you know what a male is?"
Violet: "Yes, it's a boy."
Me: "Very good. Well, the word feminist is like the word female. They both start with FEM. They mean female. Can you say feminist?"
Violet: "Feminist"
Me: "Good. A feminist is a person who thinks women can do things that men can do. Some men don't think that women should do the same things that men can do. Like some churches don't let women talk or pray. Only the men can be the leaders of the church. Do you think women could be good leaders?"
Violet: "Yes"
Me: "And do you remember when we went to vote? When we went in that curtain and pressed some buttons?"
Violet: "Yes"
Me: "Well, not too long ago women couldn't vote in this country. The men wouldn't let the women. Does that sound very fair?
Violet: "No."
Me: So, some boys aren't very nice to girls and feminist try to change that so that women and men are equal.
Violet: "I know what we can do! All the girls should buy something for the boys so that they will be nice to us and then buy us stuff."
Me: "What should we buy them?"
Violet: "Lamps and treasures."
Me: "That's a good idea." (I'm sorry I'm a mom, I can't help it! got to boost the ego from an early age.)
Violet: And then, we should write them a letter that says: "dear boys, Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, oh pretty please, please, please, please be nice to the girls."

AND THERE YOU HAVE IT! (I feel like giving Susan B. Anthony a fist bump right now.)

the ol' snip nip

2 nights ago, Violet said:
"I wish Daddy still had sperm. And me and Erickson and Lovekender could go play in the basement and you and daddy could have some grown up time and make another baby. And then you wouldn't need a midwife I could just catch the baby by myself."

This one might be the best yet!

Sleeping Beauty

Tonight, John put Love to bed. I read to Erickson and Violet. Then, I rocked Erickson to sleep. Then it was Violet's turn. She crawled up in my lab and said:

starting to cry, "I wish you would sleep with me tonight. I wish it was like it was when I was a baby and you took a bath with me every night and watched me and you spent more time with me. I wish we didn't adopt two brothers. I wish we adopted one sister who would play with me and speak English. The boys can't speak English and it takes too long! and they don't play with me and hit me and take things from me and Erickson pulls Lovekender's hand away from me and it hurts my feelings and I'm not used to two brown boys."

Mommie: "How does that make you feel?"
Violet: "Not good. I feel lonely and I wish someone would play with me and pay attention to me. Daddy is always with the brothers and you are always at work."
Mommie: "Today, we had breakfast, went to the doctor, ate lunch, played the uno animal game, and played Sick Bay with your babies."
Violet: "I know, but I want more time with you."
Mommie: "I'll have more time with you when I finish school" (Meanwhile "Cat's in the cradle" is playing in my head. "I know daddy pays attention to you."
Violet: "But we need special girl time. That's why I want you to sleep with me." (Violet co-slept until about 2-3 years old. Now, from time to time I'll sleep in her bed with her, but since the boys are home, I don't. I'm trying to be equal. I do miss it.) "What do you want to play tomorrow?"
Violet: "babies, but not star trek babies, just regular babies."
Mommie: "Like we are girlfriends with babies."
Violet: "Yes"
Mommie: "OK, tomorrow Daddy and I have to go to the doctor..."
Violet: "AGAIN!"
Mommie: "Yes, we have to go talk to someone about how Erickson is having a hard time.
Violet: "I want to go"
M: "It's just for parents."
V: "Why?"
M: "So we can talk about how Erickson is doing and not hurt his feelings. We can tell the therapist what is going on with his fits. Would you like to talk to a doctor or therapist about how you are feeling?"
Violet: "Yes. Do I sit in a chair?"
Mom: "Yes, you sit in a chair and chat about how things are going and how it is with two new brothers in the house and the therapist listens to you and helps you with new ideas and ways to deal with that."
Violet: "And I should dress up. I should wear jeans and a shirt...or dress in my cow girl outfit with jeans and that shirt and that skirt and vest and a hat. That would look good."

Violet rolled over and I rocked her to sleep. My heart is aching. I hope this midwifery thing is worth it. I hope someday, Violet understands that I want better births for the women on the planet. I believe in all my heart the midwifery model of care and think it should be a basic human right. Meanwhile, I'm missing out on my child's 4th and 5th year on this planet. I will miss many more precious moments when I get called to a long primip birth. Now, I'm going to grab my books and notes and study Graves disease and the lab tests I need to order to diagnose that. (Which are TSH, T3 and T4 then an antibody screen.) I wonder if...when Violet, in her cap and gown is accepting her college degree, this night will flash through my mind and I'll have tears in my eyes wishing I had canned the books and crawled into bed with my baby.....

I think I will....Hashimoto's be damned...I can only do so much.

I love you Violet!I love you so much!

Relaxation, smoking and such

Since the boys got home, Violet has been even more obsessed with relaxation...

Here are a few of her relaxation comments:
while all the kids are eating a snack---"Mom, could you play your violin for us while we eat. That would be relaxing."

at moogie's infront of the fireplace (without the boys)----"I don't want to leave. This is so peaceful and relaxing."

before bedtime every night---"Mom, could you massage me with oil and do the hypnosis to relax me?"

"Mom, do we have any hot coco?"
"No, but I'll put that on the list," I say.
"And also get a fire company to come and fix the fireplace. Then we can sit infront of the fire and sip hot coco. That would be so relaxing."

about once a week Violet asks to take a bath with a glass of wine...."It would be so relaxing and we could just have some girl time."

TODAY:
We were listening to that song, "really love your peaches want to shake your trees..." in the car.
Violet asks, "What is a toker?"
"It's someone who smokes...smokes drugs," I answer.
"Really!!?? Does this guy smoke!!" She asks, alarmed.
"Yes, he probably does." I reply.
"Really. In real life he does?" she asks.
"Yes. Lots of people do."
"Why!!??"
"Because it makes them feel good. It makes them relax." I say.
Violet asks, "Does it make them fall asleep?"
"Sometimes."
"I'm never going to smoke. That's bad!"
"Good for you," I say, (with visions of a heavily tatooed, 17 year old Violet in some dude's car, puffing away.)
"Well, after the guy who is singing this song smokes, he should drink lots of water and then eat a lot of healthy food and then throw all of his cigarettes away!" Violet proclaims.
"That's probably a good idea." I affirm.
"Then, they should make cigarettes out of healthy food and candy and put it together to look like a cigarette," says Vi.
"What healthy foods?" I ask.
"Well, vegetables and peanut butter." ....so goes the public service announcement from my 4 year old.

Violet's thoughts on breast cancer:
I was explaining my grandmother's upcoming mastectomy to Violet-

"How do they cut off her breast?" Violet asks.
"I'm not sure. I think with a scalpel. It's like a knife only smaller." I answer.
"Do they put it back on?"
"No, they have to take it off so the cancer doesn't spread through her lymph nodes to other parts of the body."
"Well, they should just cut it off and turn it upside down and put it back on," Violet suggests.
"What is the reason for that?"
"Well, that way, the cancer couldn't get through to the rest of the body," goes Violet
"Good thinking. Maybe the scientists haven't thought of that yet."

(Later, we combed through breast cancer books from the CBH library and saw diagrams of the lymph system and various breast surgeries...including reconstruction. The next week, we went to Ohio for Gram's CT scan. Violet got to look in the room and see Grams in the scan and see the computer image of Gram's organs. Pretty cool. Violet was so interested. BTW, grams has a good prognosis!)

Tonight: As I was folding clothes, Violet came out of her room.
"Violet, what are you doing out of bed with all those kleenexes?"
"Well, I was just saying a prayer and it made me cry," she says. (BTW, we have never taught her to say bedtime prayers.)
"What were you praying about that made you sad?" I ask.
She obviously doesn't want to say.
"What was it? A sweet little prayer?"
"Yeah, just a sweet little prayer."

It's been a month since the boys were home. Violet is doing so much better. Initially, she was having trouble listening and was antagonizing them. She still does it some, but it has gotten way better. She can be clingy to me and often requests "girl time." She gets frequent time outs for picking up Lovekender. She says, "But mom, he is just so cute!!!" Today she was helping him down the stairs to the car. She said, "He is so cute. I love having Lovekender for a little brother." A lot of the things she gets in trouble for are actually her attempt at being helpful. ie picking up Love, grabbing things out of their hands that she perceives as dangerous, etc. But, all in all, things are much better than I expected for our first month home!